


Coffeeklatsch

by joisbishmyoga



Series: High Tree and White Horse [1]
Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, 名探偵コナン | Detective Conan | Case Closed
Genre: Alternate Universe - Good Omens Fusion, Gen, the last person you'd expect
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-26
Updated: 2015-05-26
Packaged: 2018-04-01 08:46:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4013242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joisbishmyoga/pseuds/joisbishmyoga
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An angel and a demon run into each other by the coffee machine.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Coffeeklatsch

“So _here’s_ where you’ve been hiding, angel.”  
  
Takagi Wataru glanced up from the coffeemaker and blinked.  “Well."  He smiled, and miracled the coffee to finish early.(1)  "Don’t you look wholesome.  Thwarting wickedness is clearly good for your health.”  
  
“It’s called spreading wrath and vengefulness,” Hakuba Saguru replied haughtily.  The coffee he took found itself, much to its surprise, to be a high-quality Kona blend instead of station sludge, and had itself a mild identity crisis.  “Why do you think I work mostly in petty crimes?  People get so much more offended to be beaten by a teenager when they don’t have that subconscious buffer of _but murder is wrong_.”  
  
“If you say so."  Takagi’s own coffee discovered it was a handpicked oolong.(2)  "What brings you by?”  
  
“Mundanely?  Paperwork.”  
  
“You only have yourself to blame for that one.”(3)  
  
Hakuba scowled.  “Don’t remind me.  Less mundanely, I’ve been hearing rumors.  Something about a girlfriend?"  Takagi pinked slightly, and Hakuba stared.  "And I thought _I’d_ gone native.  A girlfriend?  In _this_ age?(5)  Are we planning some nephilim, angel?”  
  
“It’s not that difficult to be infertile,” Takagi grumbled.  “Miracle up a bit of paperwork for an orphan to have a distant cousin Wataru… Miwako will be happier adopting than taking a year’s worth of desk work anyway.”  
  
“You came to Japan to play happy families?!”  
  
“Oh, shush, it’s not like that at all."  Takagi glanced around them, towards the floor, then returned to meet Hakuba’s eyes.  "Speaking of nephilim(6), you remember how the Host eradicated them all?”  
  
“… Yes?”  
  
“They missed.”  
  
Hakuba nearly choked on his coffee.  “Missed, what do you mean _missed_ , how do you even…?”  
  
“I know, because there’s several million people here expressing enough of the heritage to register if you make the effort."  Takagi paused.  "Not that kind of effort, though it does overlap a bit… you haven’t made any kind of effort since the Apocawasn’t, have you.”  
  
“I haven’t exactly felt the need to!”  
  
“Best not do so for a bit longer, then.  You’ll give yourself a nasty shock."  Over Hakuba’s hissed ’ _how many are in the building right now–?_ ’(7), Takagi took a bracing sip of his no-longer-coffee and said, "Because your side’s been letting the incubi use Earth as a snack bar since the start.”    
  
Hakuba’s mouth snapped shut.  Then, “Blo– da– ble– ruddy Manchester _one of those nephil lines had kids with a cambion_.(8)”  
  
Takagi’s smile went lopsided.  “I’m keeping track of about half a dozen people of various dilutions."  Hakuba swore again.  "If you made the effort, you’d probably notice the strongest one’s over in Megure’s office giving his statement.”  
  
“It’s that bloody Edogawa child.  Of course it is.  What is my life.  Why couldn’t Beika have just been built over a cursed battlefield or something.(9)  Nephil and cambion.  Nephbion.  Camphilim.  What that would do to the laws of probability around… them…"  He trailed off, something going still and thunderous in his face.  ” _Kaitou Kid_.“  
  
"I’ll add him to my list.”  
  
  
  
  
1\. He also miracled the coming conversation to sound like a nice chat about coffee to any eavesdroppers, regardless of where the discussion actually led.  
2\. It still happened to look exactly like coffee, and was too busy being resigned to its short-lived fate as a beverage to notice the difference.  
3\. Entirely true.  His suggestion to _just draw what the jerk owes you on that lump of clay over there and stop whining_ snowballed into paperwork(4) within a matter of decades, though writing took another few centuries to evolve out of it.  
4\. It was, at the time and for several millenia after, called tabletwork, or at least the word translates as such, and had connotations of backbreaking and being tainted by wickedness.  So, not much different from the modern term.  
5\. The implication of sexual freedom being unique to the current era, of course, was entirely untrue.  Saguru had many fond memories of exactly how untrue it was.  
6\. Human-angel hybrids.  
7\. Saguru was perfectly capable of hissing a sentence that completely lacked sibilants.  
8\. Human-demon hybrids, mostly descended from incubi, as succubi tended to give birth in the comforts of their own lairs Downstairs and other denizens were considerably lacking in the ability to Lust after humans… or, indeed, covet anything from Earth besides annihalation and damned souls.  
9\. Beika is, in fact, built over an ‘or something’.  In this case it’s a field where a particular serpent once got so completely sloshed he fell out of his human form, forgot how to make limbs, miracled(10) himself into a form that looked more like a snakey octopus than a man(11), then blundered over a human champion a few times before remembering how to miracle himself sober.  (12)  
10\. Miracle, in this case, meaning whatever it’s called when a Fallen angel does the exact same thing an angel does, with the exact same powers and techniques, only it somehow lacks a different name.  
11\. Thus inspiring the legend of Orochi, an eight-tailed serpent.  
12\. He’d done much the same thing in Greece, though that time he’d wound up with far too many heads, all of them with identically awful hangovers.


End file.
